Maintaining a decades-long tradition of rendering poor decisions based almost entirely on either profit or addle-brained nincompoopery, the IOC today let wrestling back into the Olympics and denied squash its rightful place. On-lookers were stunned as the wrestling delegation immediately got into those cute thong-like things they wear for a quick celebratory round of crotch-grabbing, while the base/softball delegation, who had already resigned themselves to defeat, slunk off and injected performance-enhancing drugs in the bathroom.
Meanwhile, squash players the world over sighed and headed back onto the courts. There to play the greatest individual sport yet created, a fact that does not need the IOC’s confirmation.
